Thursday 17th May
Alan stopped by for drinks with dinner (couple of buffalo, half a mammoth, barely a nibble by Alan's standards). "What's up, Alan?" I asked. 
Alan looked up. 
"Well I can see the sky, and the clouds Mr Volcano. Oh, and there's that astronomical object currently hurtling towards the Earth at 500 miles per second." 
Alan was right. 
I do hope the asteroid hits a hill. 
"Grab some water, Alan," I said. "You'll need all the volcano filtered hydration you can get. It'll be hot in the jungle tonight!"

[...]
Alan ate Triceratops Jimmy (bones and all). Now I have to talk to Alan again.
I noticed how tiny Alan's Tyrannosaurus arms are, and challenged him to touch his nose.
[...]

Wednesday 6th June
Alan stopped by with my birthday present. 
"What do you want most in the whole wide world, Mr Volcano?" he asked, excitedly. 
"A Ferrari, twenty million in a Swiss bank account and the ability to walk." 
"Oh. So not a necklace made of rocks and bones, then?" 
Poor Alan. Every year it's a necklace made of rocks and bones. Every year he watches, broken hearted, as I toss it into the sea. 
Alan cheered up when I passed him a slice of cake the people had made. Not enough icing though. The people...they will pay.

Friday 15th June
Alan and I watched as herd upon herd of wild beasts ambled past, all heading in the same direction.
Alan thought he'd wondered into a sushi restaurant ("should I have buffalo this time, or maybe a little diplodocus"). But it had me all perplexed.
"This is most peculiar, Alan. What's going on?"
"Oh, apparently there's another Ice Age on its way Mr Volcano. They're all heading south to escape freezing temperatures and driving snow."
No matter. I have a reservoir of molten rock. Alan has a patio heater he bought off eBay.
"Glaciers - do your worst!" I cried. "Alan, what do you say?"
"Any soy sauce?"
Later... Friday 15th June
Alan's patio heater broke. Alan is frozen solid. He makes a funny tink! sound when you throw pebbles at him.

Thursday 21st June
High excitement in the jungle last night. Aliens landed, built pyramids, and headed back to their spaceship. 
"Oi! Little green...er...things!" I shouted. "What you up to?" 
Apparently, it's part of a brilliant alien game called "Messing with The Humans' Heads". 
They've already stuck a stone circle in a place that one day will be called England. The humans think it tells the time. 
I know, a circle - made of stones! 
Hahahahahahahahaha. 
Yessssssssssss.

~~

courtesy of Facebook group:
Hello world it's TYRANNOSAURUS ALAN!!!
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