[Data's Save Files]
FILE-04
[From Hero to Absolute Zero]

[June 14, 2017]

"Donkey Kong was fell down a cliff and die around 6 PM on June 14, 2017, which was largely attributed to the fact that no one liked him and his 'shitty mashups' (Fazik)."

If you've read FILE-03 or followed His Majesty for a little while around 2017, it's likely as to whether or not you know about DK's death. We've been asking this question for the interim, however: is it really true that no one ever mourned for his passing? Even Cranky Kong and Funky Kong were glad that he died in the end, especially since there are videos proving this, along with a Donkey Kong hate webpage that existed for a while. Yes, you heard us right, and we have archived it for posterity. See /dk.html

For a while, we have planned out the 'resurrection' of Donkey Kong as per with Data's means, since it is believed that his spirit is still out there; our theory being that DK went straight to Dr. Phil Hell with Eddie the Mean Old Yeti, who is known in religion for being the afterlife's guardian angel and leader (think a 'world tourist'). And it would make sense, considering that DK had popped out of nowhere in the cosmos around February 11, 2014 -- the date of the first known Kong paraphernalia in the previous channel (see FILE-03), under the name of "Expand Dong Country: Theme." How unfortunate, knowing well enough that this would eventually lead to one of the most groundbreaking events in the history of this peculiar universe; taking place in the year of 2017, and that it would mark the *true* end of *his* era.

Going back to the main topic, there seemed to be a party on that same day at Steve Harvey's house celebrating the gorilla's death. And what even happened prior to his fall? Did he go on a rampage? A ball-eating rampage, a la Mr. T? Did he just get stabbed repeatedly by Stevey, a la the neutral ending in Undertale 2, since everyone was tired of his shit? No, but according to the Newseum article written by John Milewski, it was just him being suicidal. Reflecting back to where people made fun of him (even Bluster Kong) and how too much of a deal his mashups were at the time, DK believed it was time to say goodbye. The cliff he was fell down from was very iconic to the point where it was made a memorial and monument for his sudden passing. Though there are many false videos saying that Donkey Kong was pushed off the cliff, or it was due to the 'fact' that Ray William Johnson made fun of his scent live on Xarcable TV.

Donkey Kong used to be a hero. Or well, now an hero, since he's a nobody. He was a star, just like James Dean, Mr. Bean, and Cranky Kong himself; from dropping around in a fancy (German) car while on 'that green and purple shit' from Dr. Piccolo, to the release of the first volume of Kongo Bongo Kollection in 2016 on Bandcamp, it's no wonder that people were tired of him and his mashups. They were so popular on YouTube to the point where they became unlisted, and later privated for the sake of good order. Unfortunately, there are no archive of them available (at least with the visuals), aside from one that you can (reluctantly) view here: /dk1.mp4

Admittedly, we are one of the few to feel bad for him, and we're not intentionally trying to start a flame war here. You see, it's the fact that no one back then cared to *really* care. King Kuhrool probably doesn't give a shit. Bluster Kong probably doesn't give two shits. Candy Kong probably doesn't give any at all. What we're trying to say is it shouldn't matter for DK what other people say about him, even if he was brought back to life once. Maybe someday, he'll come back once more. But hey, we're not here to judge. We're here to celebrate DK's legacy. Rest in peace Donkey Kong, a true banana slammer he was; forever the future ruler of Kongo Bongo and/or the F?n??????ands, and forever in our hearts.

[Special Thanks: John M., Pengas & Pingas]
[Written by: Biffy J.]
[Video footage: youtu.be/0Tm0CZpLemc]
[Saved by: Data]
[Archived by: Biffy J.]